By Minnie Apolis
I know everyone always complains about how long the Academy Awards show goes on every year, but really they shouldn’t complain. If nice polite Minnesotans were the recipients of those Oscars, we’d still be sitting in front of our TV sets waiting to hear who won Best Picture.
That’s because whenever you offer a guest “a little lunch” when they’re visiting, you always have to offer each item three times before they give in and accept.
Three phrases often heard when offering food (or other items) to a guest in Minnesota:
I really couldn’t. I can’t let you. I shouldn’t.
Once you have broken down their resolve to refuse, then comes the Negotiation stage:
Just a sliver. About half that. If you insist. I’m trying to cut down.
For example, the hostess might say, “Want a Little Lunch (or coffee cake, or pie, or what have you) before you go?”
“No, I wouldn’t want to put you through any trouble. I’m fine.”
“You sure? I just made a fresh pot.” (in the case of the coffee) – or “I don’t want it to go to waste.”
“You didn’t have to go and do that.”
“How about it? One cup (or One slice, or whatever).”
“I appreciate it but I really couldn’t.”
“There’s one with your name on it already.”
This proceeds with each item, trying to get the guest to accept creamer for the coffee, sugar, etc.
So by the same token, you can imagine how it’d be, trying to give out awards to a bunch of Minnesotans.
Presenter: “And the award for best film editing goes to… Mildred Malone!”
Mildred: “Really I couldn’t let you.”
Presenter: “You sure? We just had one made special.”
Mildred: “You didn’t have to go and do that.”
Presenter: “It was no trouble… Really, you deserve it.”
Mildred: “Well, if it’s going to hurt your feelings, but don’t shine the spotlight on little ol’ me.”
Presenter: “Is it OK if we strike up the band?”
You get the idea.
And as for the after-Oscars parties and dinners, if there isn’t a Minnesota hotdish on the table, forget it. We’d just as soon eat at home!
Viva la Hotdish!!! Viva la Hollywood!! But most of all, Viva la Modesty!!!