Have you seen this squirrel?
Name: Stocky (does not answer to name)
Distinguishing Marks: Gray fur, brown face and paws with a darker mask. Bright eyes, Bushy tail.
Habits: Lies on concrete in hot weather. Climbs trees.
Recently finding a measure of fame on the pages of Soovivers, a Newsvine blogger and photographer, Stocky the Squirrel has nixed a shot at following in the paw-steps of a water-skiing squirrel on America's Got Talent. Plans to train him to water ski had to be put on hold when Stocky failed to make his usual appearance at the bird feeders in Soovie's yard.
Stocky has appeared on Soovivers' blog page several times, but most recently for eating baby pears in Soovie's tree and for pictures of him in a “Splat” position on the patio during the extreme heat wave in America's midsection.
Doubts were also expressed about his trainability in this new (water-skiing) venture, leading some of Soovie's readers to offer IQ tests or alternate tricks. Minnie said, “But getting Stocky camera-ready is a project of unknown duration. We don't know how fast he can learn. We don't know if we got ourselves a bushy-tailed Einstein or a certifiable dunce.”
Other Viners expressed confidence in Stocky's mental acuity. Thought1984wastheend said, “I'm pretty sure Stocky could learn anything in a matter of minutes, now if we could get HIM to make the beer run, we might be onto something.”
I suggested that we just fill one of those straw dispensers with candy straws, and set it out on the patio. If he can't "figgur" out a simple lever to get food, then he is too many bricks shy of a load.
In the absence of any email from the missing squirrel, speculation was rampant as to his whereabouts and motive for leaving.
Most felt that he was just too afraid of water to even try to learn how to water-ski. Maybe he was hurt over speculation about his IQ, which was probably adequate for a squirrel. Maybe he was scared by talk of other stunts such as sky-diving.
Some feared he had been hit by a car or fallen victim to the extreme heat, wishing we had acted promptly to trim his fur coat to a crew-cut length. Soovie described how Stocky was coping, “Stocky has been playing too hard tz, and when he gets exhausted from that and from the heat is when he comes up to the patio and lays down.”
Guilt seems to be a common emotion expressed by Viners this week. Soovie said, “he has plenty of water and food here. But he did wear himself out playing and then this happens...” Minnie said she was clicking her prayer beads for him.
Some are moving on already, almost as if poor Stocky were already, ulp, deceased. “He'll be missed,” Kara said. “Life moves on, even for a Squirrel...........He'll always be a STAR for me. But sometimes in life, you have to leave while you are still on top, just making the guest appearance now and then.”
But the most interesting theories was sparked by the observation that McSpocky and Stocky had both disappeared from the Vine. Also, note the similar names. Could McSpocky have abducted Stocky? What could be his motive? Does McS have designs on the fabulous cash prize awarded by AGT?
Kara expressed her horror at such a scenario, “OMG, Minnie, the plot is really thickening up here now. Taking a turn from a talent show to a detective show..........put out the APB for McSpocky. It could be our only way of determining Stocky's whereabouts. Sorry, McSpock, but we must all agree to be law abiding citizens here. If it's a choice between you and Stocky, well guess who has become more valuable. Now, I don't say this lightly McSpocky, as you are a dear member of the NV clan here.”
Others are nonchalant about Stocky's disappearance. Thought 1984 mentioned a BBC show on how smart squirrels are. “It was a riot, they built an obstacle course in the backyard that would make a marine blush, and the squirrels defeated it in hours. They are cute, but not to be underestimated. They have managed to survive, and even thrive, as we destroyed their natural habitat, but they are smart enough to adapt. Perhaps a lesson there.”
So while we wait and watch, and pace, and worry, perhaps there is in fact nothing to worry about. Possibly he has moved on to another seasonal food source, now that the young pears are devoured. Possibly it is high season for peaches somewhere, or maybe the early acorns are on the market....Perhaps he is visiting a country cousin in some nice, cool woods.
The silly police refuse to issue an APB for a squirrel. So in the absence of professional services, it is up to all of us to report any Stocky sightings ASAP to NV, care of this article. Stocky is AWOL, and @TEOTD, what's important is we <3 him a lot. To us, he was 1NAM, and we want to hear that he is AAS somewhere, somehow.